Seriously?!

I officially take back my suggestion that you should expose your most embarrassing moments.  Apparently it jinxes you, and within 24 hours you will have ANOTHER moment to add to your list.  And yet somehow I'm not learning from my experience, and still feel compelled to tell you what happened the day after I wrote my last post.

Sprite Schmrite

After taking Lyddies to the spina bifida clinic at Primary's, I stopped at Smith's to pick up a few groceries.  I don't really like to support my husband's Coke addiction, but I decided to be a nice wife and grab a few two liters.  The Coke was on a small end aisle shelf that slopes forward to keep the other bottles sliding forward after you take one out.  You probably know where this story is going.  As I reached up and pulled out a couple of Cokes I heard a loud bang behind me, followed by a fizzing sound.  I simultaneously felt my legs and behind getting wet and turned to find...DUN...DUN...DUN...a busted open, soda-spraying bottle of Sprite.  I had no clue what to do, but my instincts told me to chase the rolling geyser of stickiness.  The problem with that was, not only had it completely soaked the front of me by the time I finally caught the stupid thing, but I had no idea what to do with it at that point.  I pretty much just sat there holding it until the insanity stopped.  Afterwards a nice, semi-sticky looking sample-giver (who had witnessed the entire thing) came forward and told me that they would take care of it.  I gave her an apologetic "I know I'm an idiot" grimace smile and casually squish-squeaked away to finish my shopping (while attempting to avoid the 30 ft radius of Sprite splattered floor and merchandise).  The funniest part of it all was seeing Lydia "run" away, walker in tow.  She sustained a pretty good splatter on her backside as she high-tailed it out of there, but still looked pretty good walking next to her completely drenched mother.

I also remembered another experience that I'm not sure my Mom will find funny since it scared the living crap out of her (Sorry for using the c-word Mom), but it's definitely Most Embarrassing Moments List-worthy.  

Sunday School Drop-out

I was visiting my family one weekend while attending SUU (Who am I kidding?  I was "visiting" almost every weekend!) and I went to the gospel doctrine class that my Mom was teaching.  We all were fasting that day for a friend from High School who had been in a horrible accident.  I started feeling a little sick to my stomach so I leaned forward a bit (just picture a more ladylike version of the elbows on your knees/head in your hands position that the men in the ward do all the time.)  Wasn't working.  So I decided I'd better jet to the bathroom or I might really embarrass myself.  About two steps into my journey I lost my vision, but wasn't too concerned because I knew the church like the back of my hand.  Unfortunately, half a step later I lost control of my body and could hear all the people in the room gasp as I fell to the floor.  I didn't feel like I was ever really "out"  but I must have been for a minute or else the men in the ward have super-human powers and can get clear across a crowded room in less than a second.  They helped me into another room and gave me a warm piece of chocolate that had apparently been in someone's pocket (ew).   After a few minutes, my body stopped shaking and I was just fine.  I have since learned to sit down immediately when I start to black out...a fact that my husband still teases me about to this day.  More specifically our third date when I sat down suddenly in the busy path in front of the Venice beach shops.  He didn't know what the heck I was doing, but still kept dating me so I guess it all worked out in the end.

Obamacare

I just HAVE to say one little thing... 

BOO.

Go Ahead and Laugh

So, one of my friends mentioned that she keeps a list of her most embarrassing moments.  I thought that it might be funny to write down all of my mortifying experiences for posterity or something.  To be honest, I don't know why I feel the urge to record these things.  I'm even more surprised that I'm sharing them with anyone that chances upon my blog.  I suppose since these stories are already out there, and being shared regularly (Thanks Linz!), maybe I just want a chance to explain myself.  Most likely it's just a moment of insanity and I will delete this minutes after posting. 

Bowling Alley

When I was 13-ish, I went midnight bowling with my sisters and my friend Lindsey.  Linz and I were trying to show off in front of the cute boys in the lane next to us.  (Cute meaning the opposite sex and younger than 30.)  As many of you have probably seen/done before, I overstepped the line and slipped on the greased alley-way.  Unfortunately, I didn't just slip forward a little and regain my balance, or fall to my knees and catch myself with my hands.  All I remember is at one moment I was looking down the lane aiming my ball at the pins, and a split-second later I was laying flat on my back staring up at the lights.  The entire bowling alley applauded as I went back to my seat because not only did I fly through the air in a very entertaining fashion...I also got a STRIKE.    

Windshield Factor

Whenever I don't know/understand something, I work it out in my mind until it makes sense.  That is why when I was a very young child watching the news with my parents and I heard the weather man discussing the "windshield factor" I decided in my mind that the windshield would get really cold when the wind is blowing, and they must measure the temperature of the windshield to see how cold the wind is.  That makes sense, right?  Unfortunately, when I was in high school and my friends and I were sitting in the car discussing the "windshield factor," I decided to take my own measurement and reached up to feel the windshield.  My friends noticed this and clued me in (between bursts of uncontrollable laughter) that it's actually the WIND CHILL factor.  Who knew?  I'm just grateful that not all of my misunderstandings are revealed this publicly, because I learn things like this all. the. time. 

Shoe Scenario
Recently I arrived to my sister's house and removed my shoes before stepping onto the carpet.  When it was time to leave, I could NOT find my other shoe.  I did find another shoe of mine by the door, and wondered when I had left it at her house.  After a few minutes of contemplation, I realized that I had worn two different shoes to her house that day.  They were not even the same color!  This wouldn't have been that big of a deal (since I'm very comfortable around my relatives) but I had gone to Laura's straight from church.  I had worn two different shoes for the entire three hours of church!

Hopelessly Devoted

When I was in high school I had a crush on one of my guy friends off and on for YEARS.  My friends decided that our theme song should be "Hopelessly Devoted"  by Olivia Newton John.  One fateful day, said guy friend came to lunch with me and six of my girl friends.  We sat in the back of the station wagon that faces the cars following and began having a friendly conversation.  Suddenly, my friends started blasting Hopelessly Devoted on the radio.  As if that's not enough, all six of them turned completely around and started singing it directly to us.  Not just a snippet...not a couple of bars...THE ENTIRE SONG!  Not cool. 

No Gas

For those of you that don't know, I live in the boonies.  We have to be somewhat careful not to let our tanks get too low or we might not make it to the closest station.  Well, this particular time, I had made two trips out to the ranches (back when there wasn't a gas station in the ranches) to visit my sister-in-law.  On the way back from the second trip, my gas light went on.  I then proceeded to go visiting teaching the next day which entailed starting my car several times.  Finally, I went into town to get gas and just as I was at the top of the last hill, my car sputtered and turned off.  I ran out of gas!  Who does that?  I'm actually kind of proud of myself though, because I just coasted down the hill (about 3 miles) with my flashers on til I got to the Smiths.  I wouldn't do that were I in the same situation again however, (which I NEVER will be) because it's VERY hard to turn the car and stop it when the car's not running.  If someone would have come through the intersection at that time, I would have totally crashed into them.  That being said, I ran across the street and got gas all by myself, planning to NEVER TELL ANYONE. Unfortunately, the car wouldn't start even after I put gas in it.  I called my husband...who didn't answer (typical), then called my father-in-law and he told me you have to turn the key to the first spot and let it sit for a minute, then turn it all the way to start it like usual - just in case any of you run out of gas and don't want anyone to know about it.

First Kiss

This one's a little bit personal, so I probably shouldn't share it...but I will anyway.  My first kiss was not really all that magical.  I had no idea what I was doing, so I just sat there with my mouth partially open like a dead fish.  The unfortunate boy couldn't figure out anything else to do but pretty much just suck on my bottom lip...which resulted in a lip hickey.  This probably wouldn't have even been noticeable, but the next day I had a horrible stomach flu that made me really pale.  Needless to say, I eventually learned how to kiss (I think), but I found out years later that he told his friend about the kiss and said that we were "not on the same page."  He was right! 

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire
I have always been a pretty good student.  I've actually never earned a final grade lower than a B.  However, when I was in college I got a little more relaxed when it came to attendance.  That fact combined with me losing my syllabus for English class created the unusual situation that I found myself in.  I had forgotten to do my essay.  It was one of the three assignments that we had ALL semester, and I had completely forgotten to do it!  As everyone stood up to turn in their essays at the end of class, I got desperate.  I lied.  I told my teacher that I was going through a really hard time right now because...dun duh duh DUH...my parents were getting divorced.  I even started crying because I was so mortified.  He told me that he'd give me an extra week and that he wanted me to write my essay about what I was going through and how it was changing my perceptions.  I had to write a 6 page essay about how my parents were getting divorced and how it made me feel!  I think I might still have that essay somewhere.  I got an A...but it was NOT worth it. 

Shirt Situation
One blustery morning in Henderson, Nevada (Yes, it gets cold there sometimes!) I was getting ready for school, and I threw on my coat while I was waiting for the iron to heat up.  I put on my makeup/did my hair, and ran out the door to school.  As I was walking across the street to get to the school, I felt a draft come up under my jacket and realized that I was not wearing a shirt.  My shirt was still sitting on the ironing board at home.  Usually, I would have just ditched school and gone back home to get my shirt, but I had two tests that day, and one was in first hour.  I asked a couple of my girlfriends if they had a PE shirt or something...no luck.  I had to go through the whole day with my coat fully buttoned up and a couple of my guy friends (who were apparently clued in by my girl "friends") asking me why I wasn't taking off my coat, and pulling on it to try and take a peek.

Firemen are Hot
When I was going to college, I worked at the Safekey office for the City of Henderson.  We had a few huge vans that we drove around to deliver things to the different schools.  One of the vans was acting up, so I dropped it off to the City's mechanic.  When I picked it up, I noticed that it was still acting funny, but I continued to drive it back to the Safekey office.  By the time I got there, there was smoke coming out from under the hood and I ran in to tell my boss.  My boss freaked out and called the fire department.  No less than 6 firemen came and discovered that the van was not on fire, but someone had driven it for quite a while with the parking break on.  Seriously?!  Who puts the parking break on?  It wasn't even parked on a hill or anything!  The worst part was when the cute firefighters came in to the office to see the idiotic girl that had driven 20 miles with the parking break on.  I returned the van to the mechanic later on that day. 

So there you have it.  My most humiliating experiences.  These combined with hundreds of other less memorable moments and many trips/falls on thin air have contributed to the person that I am today.  Take it or leave it.  (Please take it!) Ü

If any of you have the guts to expose your most embarrassing moments...I would love to read them! They couldn't possibly be any worse than mine!

Luck of the Irish!

Well, we didn't catch a leprechaun this year.  Carter pointed out some flaws in our design, like the fact that he had to be there when the leprechaun came to pull the strings for the trap door.  Randall thinks we should put spikes on the ceiling and have it fall on anyone that enters.  Maybe next year.  A leprechaun named Clover did stop by his classroom, and left a bunch of green sparkles.

My husband thinks foods that are unnaturally colored are unappetizing.  This resulted from a traumatizing experience he had when he was on his mission.  One of the families that made him dinner found out that he was a "greenie" and colored EVERYTHING bright green.  He had a really hard time getting it down.  After seeing the green macaroni and cheese and peas that I made for lunch today, I'm starting to agree with him...

Top o' the Mornin' to ya!

Carter made a Leprechaun trap for school today.  He hopes to catch a Leprechaun named "Clover."  I'll let you know if he has any luck.

We used some lucky charms, "gold" (clean pennies), chocolate, and a baby shoe (they are cobblers after all), along with a sign that says "Gold in here" to entice him.

Added a couple of strings that Carter can pull to activate the trap door and

Voila!   

An awesome device to trap even the sneakiest leprechaun.

Happy St. Patrick's Day! 

Zzzzzz....

Another Year Older and Wiser too...

My little baby Carter just turned SEVEN!!!  I can't believe it!  We usually have a couple of parties since Randall and I both have HUGE families, but this year Carter really wanted one big party.  We decided to be CRAZY and let him have his way.  It was tons of fun, even though we had 17 kids here (15 of them boys), all armed with light sabers.

I originally started making my kids Birthday cakes to save money.  However, when you buy 3 cake mixes, a box of rice crispies, 3 bags of marshmallows, Crisco, corn starch, 5 tubs of frosting, 2 bags of powdered sugar, 2 Wilton food colors, writing icing, a package of dowels, and who the heck knows what else...you may as well just buy a cake from the store. But where are you going to find a cake as cool as THIS:

That's right folks...it's time for my annual Birthday cake brag-a-thon.  Only this time, I actually made it myself!  (Okay, so I did have a little help from Tara, Bob, and BreAna, but I really did most of it myself. Ü)  Carter and all the kids LOVED it!

 

That being said, it took me HOURS to make...most of which I thought it looked like total CRAP.  However, I am pretty happy with the end result.  I guess it's sort of  like labor,  you eventually forget about the pain and agony because the final product is so adorable.  

The main event at the party was Uncle Jay and his awesome light sabers.  Each child got a turn to try to defeat Jay, and it was the highlight of the evening.  I'm kicking myself because I was videotaping instead of taking pictures.  The rest of the party was kind of a blur, but there was some present opening, cake eating, and crazy loud kids running around the house-ing.  As Carter says "It was good."  

That's A LOT coming from him.  Most of the time when I ask if he had fun at the zoo, Lagoon, etc. he says "not really" because "Lydia was just annoying me" or "I was just so tired of walking" even when he really had a great time.  Don't ask me why he does this, because as a mother who spends endless amounts of time and energy planning activities for nothing more than to see a smile on my kids' faces, it's VERY frustrating.  Carter even went so far as to thank Heavenly Father for his party during his bedtime prayer and also thank him for "Uncle Jay and his light sabers." 

 

 I can't think of anything better to showcase Carter's personality than by sharing his valentine to his Dad.  

 

They have actually never been ice fishing before, but they talked about doing it someday. 

 

Very short and to the point.  Not overly cloying or affectionate.  Carter actually hates kisses unless they're from girls his own age (which doesn't include his sisters).  I am fortunate enough to be allowed to kiss his cheek or his forehead, but Dad is not given that privilege.  Of course, Randall just considers this a challenge and wrestles him down to kiss his cheek every night.  Thus, the valentine.  

Carter can be very sweet, however.  He loves to take care of his little brother, and he can't wait for the time when Cameron's old enough to really play with him.  He also has a routine of saying "I like this better than Dad" every night at dinner.  Randall of course disputes this, and so the argument continues...

He and his Dad can often be found debating about subjects.  The latest one is whether his "real" Birthday was on Thursday or Friday of this week.  Randall tried to explain that he was born on the 25th, so even though his party was on the 26th this year, Thursday was his real Birthday.  Carter rebutted that he didn't have nearly enough people over/presents given on Thursday to make it his real Birthday, and thus he dubbed it his "fake" Birthday.  No amount of explaining will make either of them budge on this issue. 

FAVORITES

Food - "Chicken Fettuccini"  This is what he requested Grandpa make on his real fake birthday only over mashed potatoes instead of noodles this time.  

Movie- "Buzz" 

Color - "Red, Purple, and kind of white"  Is it weird that it bugs me a little that all the kids at school have finally convinced him that pink is a "girl color"?  

Toy - "DS"  His Birthday gift from us.  (Thanks Rach!)

What do you want to be when you grow up?  "A cop and science teacher"
TV Show - "Tom and Jerry"

FUNNY PHRASES

"I can't wait til I'm a human (grown-up)."

"CarTeR means the same as CTR."

"I'm going to go to my mission to the rainforest."

"I like it the last number percent:" (Try and beat THAT Dad!)

Carter may not be the cuddliest kid I've ever met, but he makes me smile every single day.  I love you Car2-D2!