Go Ahead and Laugh

So, one of my friends mentioned that she keeps a list of her most embarrassing moments.  I thought that it might be funny to write down all of my mortifying experiences for posterity or something.  To be honest, I don't know why I feel the urge to record these things.  I'm even more surprised that I'm sharing them with anyone that chances upon my blog.  I suppose since these stories are already out there, and being shared regularly (Thanks Linz!), maybe I just want a chance to explain myself.  Most likely it's just a moment of insanity and I will delete this minutes after posting. 

Bowling Alley

When I was 13-ish, I went midnight bowling with my sisters and my friend Lindsey.  Linz and I were trying to show off in front of the cute boys in the lane next to us.  (Cute meaning the opposite sex and younger than 30.)  As many of you have probably seen/done before, I overstepped the line and slipped on the greased alley-way.  Unfortunately, I didn't just slip forward a little and regain my balance, or fall to my knees and catch myself with my hands.  All I remember is at one moment I was looking down the lane aiming my ball at the pins, and a split-second later I was laying flat on my back staring up at the lights.  The entire bowling alley applauded as I went back to my seat because not only did I fly through the air in a very entertaining fashion...I also got a STRIKE.    

Windshield Factor

Whenever I don't know/understand something, I work it out in my mind until it makes sense.  That is why when I was a very young child watching the news with my parents and I heard the weather man discussing the "windshield factor" I decided in my mind that the windshield would get really cold when the wind is blowing, and they must measure the temperature of the windshield to see how cold the wind is.  That makes sense, right?  Unfortunately, when I was in high school and my friends and I were sitting in the car discussing the "windshield factor," I decided to take my own measurement and reached up to feel the windshield.  My friends noticed this and clued me in (between bursts of uncontrollable laughter) that it's actually the WIND CHILL factor.  Who knew?  I'm just grateful that not all of my misunderstandings are revealed this publicly, because I learn things like this all. the. time. 

Shoe Scenario
Recently I arrived to my sister's house and removed my shoes before stepping onto the carpet.  When it was time to leave, I could NOT find my other shoe.  I did find another shoe of mine by the door, and wondered when I had left it at her house.  After a few minutes of contemplation, I realized that I had worn two different shoes to her house that day.  They were not even the same color!  This wouldn't have been that big of a deal (since I'm very comfortable around my relatives) but I had gone to Laura's straight from church.  I had worn two different shoes for the entire three hours of church!

Hopelessly Devoted

When I was in high school I had a crush on one of my guy friends off and on for YEARS.  My friends decided that our theme song should be "Hopelessly Devoted"  by Olivia Newton John.  One fateful day, said guy friend came to lunch with me and six of my girl friends.  We sat in the back of the station wagon that faces the cars following and began having a friendly conversation.  Suddenly, my friends started blasting Hopelessly Devoted on the radio.  As if that's not enough, all six of them turned completely around and started singing it directly to us.  Not just a snippet...not a couple of bars...THE ENTIRE SONG!  Not cool. 

No Gas

For those of you that don't know, I live in the boonies.  We have to be somewhat careful not to let our tanks get too low or we might not make it to the closest station.  Well, this particular time, I had made two trips out to the ranches (back when there wasn't a gas station in the ranches) to visit my sister-in-law.  On the way back from the second trip, my gas light went on.  I then proceeded to go visiting teaching the next day which entailed starting my car several times.  Finally, I went into town to get gas and just as I was at the top of the last hill, my car sputtered and turned off.  I ran out of gas!  Who does that?  I'm actually kind of proud of myself though, because I just coasted down the hill (about 3 miles) with my flashers on til I got to the Smiths.  I wouldn't do that were I in the same situation again however, (which I NEVER will be) because it's VERY hard to turn the car and stop it when the car's not running.  If someone would have come through the intersection at that time, I would have totally crashed into them.  That being said, I ran across the street and got gas all by myself, planning to NEVER TELL ANYONE. Unfortunately, the car wouldn't start even after I put gas in it.  I called my husband...who didn't answer (typical), then called my father-in-law and he told me you have to turn the key to the first spot and let it sit for a minute, then turn it all the way to start it like usual - just in case any of you run out of gas and don't want anyone to know about it.

First Kiss

This one's a little bit personal, so I probably shouldn't share it...but I will anyway.  My first kiss was not really all that magical.  I had no idea what I was doing, so I just sat there with my mouth partially open like a dead fish.  The unfortunate boy couldn't figure out anything else to do but pretty much just suck on my bottom lip...which resulted in a lip hickey.  This probably wouldn't have even been noticeable, but the next day I had a horrible stomach flu that made me really pale.  Needless to say, I eventually learned how to kiss (I think), but I found out years later that he told his friend about the kiss and said that we were "not on the same page."  He was right! 

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire
I have always been a pretty good student.  I've actually never earned a final grade lower than a B.  However, when I was in college I got a little more relaxed when it came to attendance.  That fact combined with me losing my syllabus for English class created the unusual situation that I found myself in.  I had forgotten to do my essay.  It was one of the three assignments that we had ALL semester, and I had completely forgotten to do it!  As everyone stood up to turn in their essays at the end of class, I got desperate.  I lied.  I told my teacher that I was going through a really hard time right now because...dun duh duh DUH...my parents were getting divorced.  I even started crying because I was so mortified.  He told me that he'd give me an extra week and that he wanted me to write my essay about what I was going through and how it was changing my perceptions.  I had to write a 6 page essay about how my parents were getting divorced and how it made me feel!  I think I might still have that essay somewhere.  I got an A...but it was NOT worth it. 

Shirt Situation
One blustery morning in Henderson, Nevada (Yes, it gets cold there sometimes!) I was getting ready for school, and I threw on my coat while I was waiting for the iron to heat up.  I put on my makeup/did my hair, and ran out the door to school.  As I was walking across the street to get to the school, I felt a draft come up under my jacket and realized that I was not wearing a shirt.  My shirt was still sitting on the ironing board at home.  Usually, I would have just ditched school and gone back home to get my shirt, but I had two tests that day, and one was in first hour.  I asked a couple of my girlfriends if they had a PE shirt or something...no luck.  I had to go through the whole day with my coat fully buttoned up and a couple of my guy friends (who were apparently clued in by my girl "friends") asking me why I wasn't taking off my coat, and pulling on it to try and take a peek.

Firemen are Hot
When I was going to college, I worked at the Safekey office for the City of Henderson.  We had a few huge vans that we drove around to deliver things to the different schools.  One of the vans was acting up, so I dropped it off to the City's mechanic.  When I picked it up, I noticed that it was still acting funny, but I continued to drive it back to the Safekey office.  By the time I got there, there was smoke coming out from under the hood and I ran in to tell my boss.  My boss freaked out and called the fire department.  No less than 6 firemen came and discovered that the van was not on fire, but someone had driven it for quite a while with the parking break on.  Seriously?!  Who puts the parking break on?  It wasn't even parked on a hill or anything!  The worst part was when the cute firefighters came in to the office to see the idiotic girl that had driven 20 miles with the parking break on.  I returned the van to the mechanic later on that day. 

So there you have it.  My most humiliating experiences.  These combined with hundreds of other less memorable moments and many trips/falls on thin air have contributed to the person that I am today.  Take it or leave it.  (Please take it!) Ü

If any of you have the guts to expose your most embarrassing moments...I would love to read them! They couldn't possibly be any worse than mine!